I want to stick my p in your. b.
Porn is love you can see.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
