Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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