I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont even know how to be here
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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