I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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