Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
