But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
