**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize