Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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