I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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