I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize