HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
