Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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