Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
