I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
