At least make sure they are 18
Why
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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