see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
