so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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