I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
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once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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