He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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