She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
