I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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