Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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