Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I AM VODKA MAN
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
