yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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