Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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