I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
