some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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