just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
