I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
