I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
a search helicopter?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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