I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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