we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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