What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
