I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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