Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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