??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
