How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
