Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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