break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
