i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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