So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
