it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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