I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Randomize
