Christians are straight up FREAKS
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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