he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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