its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
