Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
