I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
