No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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