he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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