I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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