There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize