It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize