This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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