Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They left me at home... I'm a liability
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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