I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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