I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
