He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
