my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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