I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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