Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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