ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
