I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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